On September 1st during the Big Dirty Trenton Peak Bagging Ride after bagging the the 4th high point or peak of the ride. And while riding between the 4th and 5th highpoint was thinking about the knee brace and fear of the last 5 years.
Big Dirty Trenton Peak Bagging Ride- 7 Peaks September 1st 2024
With having got my self confidence up enough to video and share myself. Decided to while transitioning between the 4th and 5th high point to record what was thinking. It was an attempt to keep a record of what was thinking about the last 5 years especially around the knee brace post surgery.
While I think the video says it best. There is a bit should add to it all. After major knee surgery July 28th 2022 and the months of healing and recovery time. When finally early 2023 got my long term medical instructions from the Orthopedic Surgeon. In terms of knee brace he advised to use as needed and when finally saw his written instructions which said use the brace if felt needed to. Sure it sounded good on paper.
The reality was that after 3 years 4 months and 24 days of being gas lighted, bullied, dismissed, threatened, and everything else done by insurance and others. I was fearful and paranoid of what would happen if by chance things went wrong. While the surgeon said use the knee brace as needed thanks to the threats and such by insurance. Was fearful that if wasn't using the brace they would then claim according to their interpretation of surgeon's instructions that I was to have been wearing the knee brace riding mtb at all times.
How bad was it? Best example was having a major anxiety attack when went to do squats with weights and hadn't put on the brace yet. Well had a Anxiety attack of level 8. All the threats and such had me fearful of what they could do.
Because of that it has taken two years to get my brain to be less fearful and protective. To be less fearful of actually following Dr Bardana's long term medical instructions. After talking with my physiotherapist who said all I could do is wait to let my brain get to the point it is at now. It has taken a lot longer then it should have to get to this point where am not as fearful to wear the knee brace less while riding trails.
And now that am in a better place to look at things. I know now that all the being gas lighted, bullied, dismissed, threatened, and everything else by insurance hindered my progress post surgery. That it did nothing to support my efforts to improve and get closer to some level of healthier. And that created a mindset of fear that hindered moving to the next phase of post major knee surgery.
While am glad that have reached the point where am way less fearful and paranoid about the brace. Wear it way way less. And can finally follow Dr Bardana's long term medical instructions. I really would have liked to not have added the gas lighting, threats, and bullying to the challenges of working on things post major knee surgery.
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