On Wednesday August 14th had the chance to go up to Ottawa for the evening for a bit. Got to bring the Stylus with the plan to ride the 4-6km to the first trail area I ever rode in Ottawa in 2016, McCarthy Woods.
Knowing it would get dark during the ride had packed the helmet and bar lights. Well nothing went to plan. The video sums up went wrong and how it triggered some spiraling of my Depression and Physical Trauma PTSD. I would guess it was about a level 7 to be safe for a while.
No, it was not a good time mentally that evening as obviously triggered depression, anxiety, and PTSD stuff. Which of course sucks and sucks more when while spiraling your brain thinks of not so great solutions. In my case it was also the feeling of hopelessness as mentioned in the video.
Hopelessness because am to move to the next phases of post being maimed. Though to move on requires that certain processes be completed.
Fortunately have a couple of friends who also have mental illness who help with getting me to pause from making a bad decision when depression, anxiety, and physical trauma caused PTSD are triggered. That bought my brain time to come out of the spiral and such.
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Doing better the day after again thanks to a friend getting me to pause in thinking was a bit better off. And then began the search for some kind of pedal to acquire that would allow the Rootdown aka MTBer's Gravel Bike to keep being ridden. Of course that would be paused so could do the Gravel Ride on Friday with a friend.
More to come on the pedal saga to come.
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